hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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