Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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