remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
