I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
