you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
