it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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