The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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