Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
