people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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