All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
