i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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