foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
