my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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