Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
