Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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