she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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