I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
