8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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