My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
