Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
