She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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