why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
