I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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