bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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