I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize