Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
