My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
