Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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