Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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