You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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