oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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