Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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