tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
