they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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