I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A+ Viking dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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