i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
