Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
