In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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