But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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