Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i barfeds in our rink
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
