Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
