i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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