how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
