i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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