we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
