She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have aggressive nipples.
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