where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vagina is very pro this idea
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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