Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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