No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize