Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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