We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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