his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
