it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
