drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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