Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
