Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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