hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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