Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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