note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
