He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
