tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
