I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
