My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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