My nipple is on Facebook.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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