I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
