It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
