I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
