woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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