Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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