Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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