Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
