I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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