Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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